The Green Dog (109 Weeks)

Since the day I realized I was pregnant—February 12, 2014, I'll never forget it—I looked at our world with new eyes, asking myself the why's and what's, and wondering how I will take part in Ren's discoveries. A couple of days ago, I was reading him his new favorite book, Go, Dog, Go, an old copy that belonged to my kid brother, "This book belongs to: M A T t    d A LL a S    v E La,", and we got to one of the many simple pages, "The blue dog is on top. The yellow dog is on the bottom." Ren turned his head to look up and in my eyes and straight out of a Hollywood moment asked, "Why, Mommy?" I was completely thrown and stumbled over choices in what to say next.

1. "Well, because the illustrator drew them that way for a reason to which I am not privy but probably because he thought it would help the readers your age learn about opposites."

2. "Maybe because the blue dog wanted to be up there on that tree and the yellow dog felt like hanging around on the ground."

3. "Why do you think they are like that?"

Ren had never used the infamous, toddler "WHY?" before. Since I have known I was responsible for a child's life, I have been preparing for the "WHY?" And even though, perhaps especially because, he asked in regard to a cartoon on a page, I was caught off guard. What a huge responsibility, painting the canvas for another being to understand. I don't want to use too many colors off my palate, I want him to pick out his own. When he can. First I have to show him where the colors are, WHAT the colors are. Wait. Why do we need colors? Dad? 

I look forward to the next "WHY?" and I am sure I will have more confidence in answering, but today I am grateful Ren is only two. I was up until three in the morning last night with a terrible stomach ache and a bitter cramp in my jaw. I can't even bring myself to ask "WHY?" because I am so disgusted with myself and people like me who were surprised by the country's choice for our next president. We have so deeply cultivated and insulated our little worlds on our tiny screens in our useless hands that many of us have blocked out the dynamic and instead tuned into constant validation for our constant, personal, selfish "WHY?" We have forgotten that each one of us, each kind of us, is necessary to keep things going and that each of us, is wanting answers to the same questions. We all have a part to play, as we are, already.

Now let us not waste so much time trying to convince the others to stop being others. Let us get back on the path to living our lives together and working together to find answers for the biggest "WHY?"

The blue dog just is and the yellow dog just is. We are equally important and pointless. In this, let us all have equal respect for one another and all living matter on this earth. Stop telling folks how to live their lives. Help out beings in need. Take care of the planet. Educate our kids. Work to keep yourself and your family healthy. Say "thank you" and "I love you" often, and pay your blessings forward.

We are one. That's why.