Terrible Twos

106 Weeks

At least twice a day I ache to have Ren in the womb again. I can't possibly see him, hug or kiss him, hear or smell him enough. It must be an instinct to put him back in.

At least twice a day I look at Greg and think, "We. Have. A. Kid." An amazing kid.

At least twice a day I am surprised by laughter coming from my body. This amazing kid is hilarious.

At least twice a day I wish I could put this life on pause and sleep in a beachfront hut for a week. I don't want to miss anything. Especially because I dozed off.

At least twice a day I get choked up because I hear someone innocent met a cruel situation. I want our son to inherently know the wisdom of trauma—not actually experience it.

At least twice a day I wonder if I should be sacrificing things in a volcano to thank the gods for my luck. Salt over my left shoulder also does the trick.

At least twice a day I think about my parents and want to pick up a phone and thank them. I often try.

At least twice a day I remind myself I used to meditate twice a day. And work out. And not eat cereal twice a day.

At least twice a day I distract myself from all of this... thinking at least twice a day...