Suffering the Fools on the Hill

121 Weeks

"He's very smart. Very aware. It's just that when he doesn't want to do something, he tunes me out."

"Yeah. He does. Ignores us."

"OK. Maybe we can work on that at home."

"When we finish an activity, he doesn't want clean up."

"Yeah, he doesn't."

"OK. We'll have him clean up more at home."

"He gets very focused. Very involved in what he's doing and he doesn't want to stop."

"Yeah, he won't stop. The other kids stop. He won't stop."

"Right. OK. We will make that more of a priority. To listen. Right, honey? Honey?"

"Hmm?"

Ren can read my mind. He reads his father's too. He's a kind soul, though. He doesn't use his superpowers for evil.

For the most part, Ren makes informed choices. I wouldn't describe him as a leap-before-you-look kind of kid. Fear of the unknown is the only card we hold. That, and cookies. He trusts our true desire is to keep him safe... mainly because we are constantly averting our dialogue to reflect this. "Let's see if you can put the fork on the table. It will hurt the inside of your nose. Please put the fork on the table so we can keep you and your nose safe. Let's not... We shouldn't... Mommy and Daddy's job is to kkeeeeeePPPPPP YYYOOOOUUUU SSSAAAAAFFFFEEEEENNNNOOOOO NOOOO NOOOTTTT IN YOUR NOSE!!"

The books told us not to say "NO!" Do you know how difficult that is? Whether or not you have a toddler, spend one day, one hour spinning a negative thought, much less, dialogue toward the positive in any conversation. You turn into a slow-talking, high-pitched, condescending robot that makes a pageant contestant sound like a TED speaker.

The twos aren't terrible for the two-year-olds. They find all of this very amusing. In every new teaching moment, we are choking on our emotional instincts while searching for simple, friendly-yet-assertive words. Our negotiations have Greg and I looking like we're dismantling an explosive while only being able to speak the words, "bathroom?" and "change for a twenty?" We are tourists in a foreign land. There is no reasoning when you don't know the language. There is only luck. Distraction and luck. And kindness. On Ren's part. He has to let us win every so often. We can reach the cookies.