Top Ten Reasons I'm Unrecognizable To Friends I Haven't Seen Since Before Ren Was Born

90 Weeks

11. I haven't seen most of them.

10.  The bags under the bags under my eyes (and thighs).

9. I do a load of laundry at least every four days, not weeks.

8. I cried over the vacuum Greg bought be for Christmas.

7. I make meals with more than two ingredients.

6. Second cups of wine are passed over... the back of my head while I snore at the dining room table.

5. I own tissues and baggies.

5. My attention to details needs glasses and a time machine.

4. There are photos of me wearing a C cup under my shirts just last year. (And not on my head.)

3. I can sometimes raise my voice to people and things without collapsing in apologetic tremors and guilt-riddled shame.

2. The last bra I purchased was from the girl's department. This was yesterday.

1. Sleeping in until 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday is both pure luxury and serious illness.

a. I am incapable of speaking a sentence without saying my favorite word: Ren.