Panic at the Vortex of Banality

70 Weeks

"It's January 31, 2016 and there will never be a January 31, 2016 again."

"I'm trying not to think about that."

"So let's do it today. It won't be here tomorrow."

"Well, sure. I can live in the moment. I'm just not doing that very well these days. Being present. What have I done with my life? What will I leave behind when I'm gone? Will Ren be proud of... this? There's so much I want to do and there's so little time to get it done. I'm just getting started and the clock seems to be ticking faster than ever. I'm not ready to die. I haven't done anything with my life. I'm a crap daughter, wife, friend, writer, employee. I'm spread too thin. Trying to be good at everything and master of Nowheresville. I'm a good mom. Right? I hope. I try. I'll be a crazy mom soon if I don't start— I'm— I spend more time at Target than a normal person should, no, not a normal— I'm not— I hate this mall. We're at the mall! Again! It's so depressing. Lifeless. Even the merchandise is on Xanax. It smells like dead dreams. I spend too much time on the little things. Really. I don't have time for this— For a person with ambitions and goals and— It's just so hard. There's so much to do—That I want to do and be and I want Ren to see that a person can accomplish all he or she— I want to be— There's so much to— I need to make a list..."

"The sale ends tomorrow. Should we get another can?"

"Um. Yeah."