Don't Kill the Rabbit

7 Weeks

7 Weeks, 2 Days

7 Weeks, 5 Days

"...and once they are starving, they learn to kill the rabbit. That's why they chase them around the track."

"That's so sad."

"It's how they do it."

"So cruel."

I'm sitting in the wood-paneled waiting room at the Red Hook Vet holding a trembling Stewart. Greg is outside in the cold, bouncing a hungry Ren on his shoulder. I'm trying to do a life chore without obsessing about the comfort of my new son—impossible. As per the usual, someone asks, 'what kind of dog is that?' and then there is a story about Greyhounds and the cruelties of Greyhound racing. I am always baffled by the evils that humans can perpetrate on the weak. What do we gain? It must be about our egos. The ego needs a lift and it's easier to pull the ladder out from under someone else.

I get in the car, turn around to tell Ren a sing-song 'hello' and let Greg know that Stewart needs a few teeth pulled. Poor Stewart. He's now the second most important tiny creature in the house. We didn't even know he was having a tooth problem until he started bleeding on the new furniture. I wonder how long he's been suffering and think about the waiting room conversation. How would it feel to be the person whose job it is to starve a young, scared animal in a windowless room until they are forced to kill another young, scared animal. Is that trainer just as young and scared? Is his boss? What kind of fear and pain causes that kind of ripple effect? If I were that trainer, what kind of damage would I be doing to my soul? What about the dog? What if YOU were the dog? Would you kill to survive? And what kind of survival is that? To become what someone else wants you to be in order to stay alive. Would you think you had a choice? I see our egos as that human trainer. The ego can do twisted things to our souls in order to keep its agenda.

We have to be careful we don't let fear get out of hand. It isn't good for anyone, especially our children. I keep telling myself that in my sleep deprived, new-mother, new home-owner, new life transitions I must turn off that monster ego craving a 'thank you' or a 'good job' or a 'you're right'—not that I don't hear those things from people I care about, I do—but those things aren't fulfilling to the ego in the long run. Once you go down that road there isn't enough 'good jobs' in the world to make a difference. Let's not do something for the applause (says the actor). Let's do it for the journey, the experience, the good of another and the growing world around us.

Please remind me of this the next time someone criticizes my cooking.