Blue Suede Shoes

34 Weeks

Our hearts are aching for our dear gentle, generous, and amazingly thoughtful nanny who has lost her chosen partner in life. His transition came suddenly and left many with a gapping whole in their guts. We hope they can find peace. While, of course, Ren does not understand why his favorite playmate hasn't been around, he's adapted fantastically to meeting a new caretaker—a fun, present, and vibrant woman who is young enough to be our daughter. 

Even though Ren has proved his flexibility time and time again (he's Fonzie, he's cool) we are ever grateful that he's curious and trusting enough to open his little arms to new people. As I passed him over to a new sitter for the first time, I also hand over my fears and tell myself to have faith that most people take childrearing seriously. We have many preferences when it comes to how Ren is raised. Our nanny knows them all and then some. You don't want to overwhelm the interim person. There's no room for micromanagement in triage. "You can do anything as long as you keep him safe. If he isn't injured or bleeding when I get home, I'll consider this a success." I realized in that moment how incredibly vulnerable we are. All of us. The ripple effect one life can have on another. The situation that lead to this situation. Strangers helping strangers. Sure we pay the folks who watch Ren, but $11 an hour ain't going to incentivize a person to take a bullet. I think a major part of parenting feels like Russian Roulette. You can only pray the people you entrust to have the same gun-law politics. 

As we dropped off Stand-in Nanny, she pops in the backseat to kiss Ren goodbye. "See you next semester. It was nice to meet you, Little Man." Ren looks a bit sad then smiles. We giggle at his charm. I swear if Ren could have pounded a juke box in that moment, music would have played.